The boy is now a teen!

My oldest son turned 13 yesterday.

I admit I was having a hard time with it.

So much so that I had been avoiding making plans to celebrate the momentous occasion. Luckily he hasn't noticed as THE party is set for next weekend instead as most of his friends/family couldn't make it due to his actual birthday being smack dab right in the middle of the first long weekend of the summer. I'm thankful for that as my heart truly wasn't in it to "celebrate" this birthday.

Anyways the actual event, him turning 13 has happened, and I have to say I've managed to work through some of my issues. Yes I know there are still more to come, but this process has helped me in identifying some of those underlying "lies" that need to have the light shine upon them so that we can be and do different. That's what parenting is all about right?

At first I couldn't pin point really what my issue was but after a while I realized, bottom line, it was fear!

Fear of what?

Well that's what I was struggling with and once I decided to take God's advice.....FEAR NOT, I was finally able to articulate some of what it was I was fearful of.

The first thing I realized is I was exemplifying the societal fear that surrounds me.

Society doesn't like teenagers do they? And I didn't even realize how much so. This is built into TV shows we watch, newspaper articles read and what about all the books out there to help you through the "teenage years". Society has LOW expectation of teenagers and even lower expectations of parents "handling" their teenagers!

The trigger for me was when I read this blog http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/01charger/533117/
by the Harris boys.

I think their book sounds intriguing and I'm planning on reading it myself! And I'm planning to eradicate words and actions that exemplify to Josh that we have low expectations of him!

Yes I admit the teenage years are "different" than other developmental stages. I remember that "growing up" was one of the hardest times of my life, or at least I thought so at the time. But we "survive it" and get through it, hopefully for the better, yes for the better. Do we make bad choices, yes but being able to have a choice is what growing up is all about. Learning that the choices we make have consequences and blessings.

Which lead to my second fear -- that "overnight" Josh was going to turn into a the "me" that I was at that age. Yes I shake my head in shame when I think of the things that I was doing and thinking at that age. But the realization that I had is Josh is not me! He is a totally seperate and unique individual, who was also raised differently than me. He has had different influences than me and it doesn't have to be how it was when I was that age. I know that THAT seems like a given but don't we often say when they are young that they are "little me's", which is fine until they hit the teenager years, huh?

And lastly, my greatest fear of all. That I was going to "lose" the precious relationship that I have with my son. A relationship that I have worked (and continue to work) so very hard on!

Lose, in what way? I guess the image I had in my head, and in my heart so it seems, was one of the teenage years "tearing down" whatever had been built up. But what I envision now is the foundation not only has been built it has been set in concrete! The foundation? It's a strong one! So let's "build on that foundation"!

A book that has been placed in my lap is Keeping our Children's Heart by Teri Maxwell. You bet I'll be getting that book and will be in it often!

So that's what I've worked through so far (yes I have more underlying "things" to get through) but I've identified the ones I need to watch for for now and I have wonderful resources to help me through that the most precious being prayer.

At least now my heart is set on celebrate mode and I'm focused on the wonderful things to celebrate instead of the things that were taking me "down".

So let the party begin!